What is saving your life right now?
Thanks to one of my most precious friends and her own addiction, I've become something of a podcast junkie. I love the set-up of a podcast. The relaxed, conversational tone between the host and guest is so personal, it just begs me to grab a cup of coffee and relax on my couch for a good chat. And of course most of the podcasts I follow champion the mom, the woman, the friend. I can't get enough. At the end of one particular podcast, the host always asks her guest, "What is saving your life right now?" I mean, what a rich question. And oh the possibility for answers! The host assures her guest that their answer can be funny, serious...whatever pops into their brain. It is a great question to ask ourselves. It helps evaluate where we are in this sliver of life. Of course, when I'm posed with such a big thought to mull over and chew, you'd better believe the answer will end up in writing!
"Here" is halfway across the country from home. "Here" is in a completely new place where I am stripped bare of all my accolades and left as just...me. "Here" is a place where I keep up with family through texts and Face Time; my heart aching as I see nephews I can't snuggle and squeeze. "Here" is trusting God that my husband and I have a purpose in this season and aren't just spinning our wheels.
I'm not a fan of uncertainty. Gray areas make me itch and letting loved ones down splinters my heart into about a thousand pieces. Getting "here" means I stood beside my husband and said, "I'll walk this road with you, despite our fears." And arriving "here" left a wake of tears and hurt that rocked me so powerfully, I still cannot talk about this year without a tremble in my voice. I was so very naive. I didn't realize I could play the role of strong, supportive spouse, while simultaneously breaking the hearts of a family I strive so fiercely to protect. This year was sobering. I've been shattered.
But something, or rather, someone has been saving my life as I slowly piece myself back together. A few someones, actually. You see, way back in my college days, I picked up a few friends. Six friends, to be exact. We were the glitter of friendship. We made each other sparkle and stand out. We also couldn't get rid of each other. Once we found each other, we stuck. Our friend group was, very likely, a thing of annoyance to those observing. But for the seven of us, this group gives life. In our eighteen years since meeting on campus, we've stood alongside each other through it all. You name it, one of us has dealt with it. We've clung to each other and cried through cancer, miscarriage, and divorce. We've watched some leave the country for years at a time. This group has been the rock when a diagnosis was made. And you can't even imagine the celebrations when life handed us a good hand! We've literally clapped for each other like the bunch of dorks we are. If there is someone you want on your side, through the happy and hard, it is these girls.
And that, to answer the posed question, is who is saving my life right now. On days when "here" feels too hard and the loneliness threatens to take me under, one or more of my tribe is ready with a reminder that I'm stronger than I think. There is, inevitably, a text with the perfectly-picked Bible verse, reiterating who I am in Jesus. It never fails...I'll receive a video that makes me laugh so hard, I snot myself. And it will be totally worth it. These are the women who seemed to have made some type of oath to be ever-present with an "I see you" and "We are walking with you". Their faithfulness allows me to breathe a little more freely each day. I am able to welcome the new, the unknown with the knowledge that I've got an entire cheering section, urging me on. (It does not escape me, the parallel between this group of women and the saints who cheer us on in Heaven.)
At some point, you'll need someone who can swoop in and save your life. You'll need a voice telling you it's OK to be scared...that you are loved and not alone. Moms, especially, need saving. The limits of our hearts are constantly tested. At any moment, we could be left devastated and broken. It's not possible to love and raise children without such a risk. We need lifelines. Do you have them? If not, put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Find someone who will stick to you like glitter. Be the glitter. And if you have that lifesaver, maybe more than one, it's a good thing to tell them what they mean to you. They probably already know. They've got the hugs and hand-written notes to prove it. They probably roll their eyes because you've only said it about a thousand times before. But at the end of the day, it's a pretty heroic thing to save a life.
What is saving your life right now?This year has been one of the most painful of my life. It has been a season of that uncomfortable type of growth that you REALLY didn't ask for. (Who ever does though?) I have been stretched and tested. I have learned what it means to truly seek the Lord, while fully aware everyone thinks I've lost my ever-loving mind. It has been a series of more questions than answers and I still wonder what the heck I'm doing here at this exact moment.
"Here" is halfway across the country from home. "Here" is in a completely new place where I am stripped bare of all my accolades and left as just...me. "Here" is a place where I keep up with family through texts and Face Time; my heart aching as I see nephews I can't snuggle and squeeze. "Here" is trusting God that my husband and I have a purpose in this season and aren't just spinning our wheels.
I'm not a fan of uncertainty. Gray areas make me itch and letting loved ones down splinters my heart into about a thousand pieces. Getting "here" means I stood beside my husband and said, "I'll walk this road with you, despite our fears." And arriving "here" left a wake of tears and hurt that rocked me so powerfully, I still cannot talk about this year without a tremble in my voice. I was so very naive. I didn't realize I could play the role of strong, supportive spouse, while simultaneously breaking the hearts of a family I strive so fiercely to protect. This year was sobering. I've been shattered.
But something, or rather, someone has been saving my life as I slowly piece myself back together. A few someones, actually. You see, way back in my college days, I picked up a few friends. Six friends, to be exact. We were the glitter of friendship. We made each other sparkle and stand out. We also couldn't get rid of each other. Once we found each other, we stuck. Our friend group was, very likely, a thing of annoyance to those observing. But for the seven of us, this group gives life. In our eighteen years since meeting on campus, we've stood alongside each other through it all. You name it, one of us has dealt with it. We've clung to each other and cried through cancer, miscarriage, and divorce. We've watched some leave the country for years at a time. This group has been the rock when a diagnosis was made. And you can't even imagine the celebrations when life handed us a good hand! We've literally clapped for each other like the bunch of dorks we are. If there is someone you want on your side, through the happy and hard, it is these girls.
And that, to answer the posed question, is who is saving my life right now. On days when "here" feels too hard and the loneliness threatens to take me under, one or more of my tribe is ready with a reminder that I'm stronger than I think. There is, inevitably, a text with the perfectly-picked Bible verse, reiterating who I am in Jesus. It never fails...I'll receive a video that makes me laugh so hard, I snot myself. And it will be totally worth it. These are the women who seemed to have made some type of oath to be ever-present with an "I see you" and "We are walking with you". Their faithfulness allows me to breathe a little more freely each day. I am able to welcome the new, the unknown with the knowledge that I've got an entire cheering section, urging me on. (It does not escape me, the parallel between this group of women and the saints who cheer us on in Heaven.)
At some point, you'll need someone who can swoop in and save your life. You'll need a voice telling you it's OK to be scared...that you are loved and not alone. Moms, especially, need saving. The limits of our hearts are constantly tested. At any moment, we could be left devastated and broken. It's not possible to love and raise children without such a risk. We need lifelines. Do you have them? If not, put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Find someone who will stick to you like glitter. Be the glitter. And if you have that lifesaver, maybe more than one, it's a good thing to tell them what they mean to you. They probably already know. They've got the hugs and hand-written notes to prove it. They probably roll their eyes because you've only said it about a thousand times before. But at the end of the day, it's a pretty heroic thing to save a life.
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