Letter to my daughter-in-law

Hello future Mrs. Q,

There is no telling where life finds you today. You could still be a twinkle in your parents' eye, you might be a raging toddler, yourself, or maybe you happen to be a slightly older woman of the Pre-K variety. Wherever life finds you currently, know that on this very day, I'm praying for you. I'm praying for my son and I'm praying for your marriage. I remember one of my first thoughts upon finding out I was having a boy was, "Uh oh, I'm going to have to give him up one day to another woman! I'm going to have a daughter-in-law!" An odd thought for your fetus, but then again, the pregnant brain is not known for being a rational one. Either way, that panic serves to remind me to be prayerful for the two of you even when trains, dinosaurs, and soccer balls will dominate his little world for the next decade.

Marrying Barrett means not accepting who he is, but embracing him. While it might be popular to go out with your girlfriends and complain about your husbands over glasses of wine, think again, sister. What a slippery slope. What is culturally popular is not going to make your marriage thrive. Find those girlfriends who refuse to bad-mouth their husbands and stick to them like glue. Those are the women who you will find still holding their hubby's hand on walks around the block well into the blue-hair phase of life. What a sweet goal to aspire to. So aim to be Barrett's cheerleader from the very beginning. Celebrate your best friend and don't be afraid to brag on him. If you practice this, you will be his queen.

In keeping with the theme of going against the grain, practice respecting your husband. Hearing that phrase will, most likely, send most women of this age into an uproar. This isn't a debate for or against feminism. This is about giving a man what he was created for. Respect in a marriage means trusting that he has your best in mind, readily supporting his ideas, and giving him the freedom to make decisions for the two of you that might seems scary or out there WITH A JOYFUL ATTITUDE. I can assure you, little girl, respecting Barrett will cause him to devote himself to you in ways you couldn't even imagine. Sadly, the man who is not respected by his wife will seek out a woman ready and willing to show him that respect.

Now on to the day-to-day realities...
-Your bathroom will probably always smell a little of pee. Separate bathrooms may be the way to go.
-Sports is usually a boy's first love. Don't squelch that love; it's their happy place. We have Target. Make it work.
-There will be farts and burps and peeing with the door open. Know that I tried...hopefully he, at least, says "excuse me" and can keep it kosher in public.
-He will become 15 again around his friends. Don't even try to fight that one. Locate your nearest Target and treat yourself to some new shoes until they're done shooting each other with BB guns in the garage.
-Find the humor in your differences. God put the two of you together like a perfect little puzzle. Just laugh...whatever is going on probably isn't that big of a deal in the long run.
-Don't ever stop saying your "please" and "thank you"'s. He doesn't have to hold open the door for you or buy you dinner. You don't have to fold his clothes or pack his lunch for work. You do because you love. Make sure he knows you continually appreciate what he does.
-As I'm doing now, pray for each other. I've heard it said plenty of times, if you're not praying for your husband, no one will.

I am not the model example of marriage, future daughter-in-law. I mess up daily and Barrett's dad has the patience of a saint for his stubborn, OCD-ridden, bossy wife. But please know that I'm not giving up because I know that my efforts now not only affect my marriage today but the marriages of tomorrow. Enjoy your childhood, tiny one. I can't wait for Barrett to introduce us one day. I'll see your face and I'll just know...it's you.

Until then,
Mama Q