The Five Stages of Grief...When the Hubby Travels

For those of you who know our family, you are well aware of the fact that my husband travels. Often. Like almost every week. It isn't uncommon for him to be gone more than he's home. I have a lot of people ask how we make it work with a one and three-year old. Welcome to my brain during Grant's travels...

1. Denial and Isolation

"This isn't happening. He says he'll be in another country for a week, but no. I mean, who will watch the kids?? There's two of them! How can I nap if he's on the other side of the world?? He's just kidding. Funny joke, guy. You got me."

2. Anger

"This can't be right. By my calculations, he's been gone for three days, but the clock is saying thirty minutes. Something ain't adding up here. My house is where time goes to die. I'm stuck in Husband Travel Purgatory! THIRTY MINUTES?!? How have they eaten four separate snacks, pulled a cabinet door off the hinge, and covered the dog in stickers in THIRTY MINUTES? Husband is somewhere in the airport sipping on an adult beverage and yucking it up with other sophisticated travelers who put on pants every day and think eating over the sink is classless. I will cut you all.

3. Bargaining

"Are you there, God? It's me, Sleep Deprived. One of the loin spawns puked in her bed last night. After I got her cleaned up and put back to sleep, the other one got up. He said he doesn't like his animal night-light. Remember the one he begged me to buy him a week ago at Target? He said the elephant scares him. I reminded him that the elephant is his favorite animal. He was very clear that he doesn't like the way the elephant's trunk is curved. I realized it was two in the morning and that we were arguing about elephants. I lost it, God. His night-light met its untimely death in the toilet. I'm scared, God. I need sleep. I don't know what else might end up in the toilet if I don't get a little shut-eye. They wake up at six. You've seen them! Look. If you do me this solid and get me some sleep while the husband is gone, I won't do any screen-time tomorrow. I'll do crafts all morning. So many crafts! I'll make their snacks little organic, grain-free, sugar-free drops of heaven. Please. Let's make a deal."

4. Depression

"I am an island. The little red-headed sharks circle closer and closer. It's only a matter of time before they close in. They smell my microwaved coffee and defeat. Look at this house. So many Legos. "Frozen" is on loop and they've eaten Pirate's Booty for three straight meals. I am the worst. The husband could do a better job parenting these two from across the globe. I might as well set up Face-Time and let him take over."

5. Acceptance
"He comes home today. Glory, glory, hallelujah! I did it! One week and I'm pretty sure I nailed it. This travel stuff is easy."